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FAQ: “Are you working on integration?!”

Let’s start with some integration facts:

So with all of that in mind, why try? Here’s my perspective.

I feel like all of my dissociative parts (including me!) deserve to be more present in our life. To have rich, fulfilling lives, which we all deserve. I’d like less blackouts. I’d like to be able to feel Alice’s relentless optimism and Nick’s fearlessness, without feeling like those traits are foreign. Without worrying that I won’t be able to reach them (or if they even exist at all, because #denial). I’d like everybody to feel like this life, this place, these friends, this job, and everything else belong to all of us.

The majority of the work I do in therapy is phase 1, focusing on safety, stability and inner communication. I’ve only brushed up against a few trauma topics in the last 6 months, and we’re not rushing it. Baby steps. I’m going to keep chasing those concrete goals (eg, less blackouts) regardless of whether or not we eventually focus on trying integration.

Honestly, though? I think about it more like… why not? What is there to lose by learning more? I don’t feel qualified to judge something I haven’t experienced, and I want to keep an open mind.

-Work Pupper

(Source: Treating Trauma Related Dissociation, by Kathy Steele, Suzette Boon and Onno Van Der Hart, 2017)

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